My father's mother, my Grandmama passed away this morning.  I will miss her more than words can ever say.  She was the strongest most independent woman I ever was privledged to know.  I know that now she is in a better place and that she is no longer in pain and for that I am so thankful.  I will miss all those long and lazy Saturday afternoons filled with Pride and Prejudice, Gone with the Wind, hershey kisses, stories of times gone by of WWII, of rural Louisiana, of the antics and games she and her sisters used play, intense political debates, lectures on the value of eduction, and PJ Skidoos.  She was an amazing woman who lived life on her own terms. I will love her always and forever!

current mood: crushed

It has been an incredibly long time since I have updated anything in computer land.  One reason could be how incredibly lazy I have been but the other more accurate reason could be that I couldn’t even find the words to say what I wanted to say.  My goal today is to give an update on my life and something else that is pretty important.  Read or don’t read the beginning and the middle, but PLEASE whatever you do read the last part!  I’m not asking for much PLEASE ladies and gents just READ the LAST part if nothing else!

UVA: Overall, I seem to have a love hate relationship with this place.  I love the majority of my professors (except for the ohhh so evil French professor I have this semester) and I have learned so much here.  I have branched out into Astronomy and Statistics to discharge all math and science requirements.  Jumped into a History 300 class and have done pretty darn well and here is the kicker I am actually really learning and remembering French for the first time in my life.  The grounds here I love more than anything when it is sunny.  I love how the immense windows glitter when hit by the sun, I love finding a new patch of flowers on my walk to class every morning.  I guess the hard part for me so far has been socializing a bit.  I can be pretty shy when thrown into a new situation.  Second semester has been better I think and I’ve come out of my shell a whole lot more but I am not sure I’m comfortable yet.

Clubs: The biggest thing has been that I have been involved in is University Dance Club because we at UDC are amazing.  The audition process threw me a bit first semester since I never really had to do any auditions since I auditioned for placement in B&W in 6^th grade.  However, I have made every piece I have auditioned for.  We had our annual show two weeks ago and it went amazingly well.  I felt like all our groups bonded really well and I was exceedingly proud of how we all did.  My roommate was in Contemporary with me and she really had a good time…we’re even thinking about choreographing a piece next semester which would be an interesting challenge.  Can you imagine me…a choreographer?  Haha very funny thought I know.  Christina (my former CDT duo partner) came down to visit that weekend and we had a great time she and her parents, my Mother, and Mike all came to the show along with my some of my wonderful hall-mates!  It was great to have so much support there!  The Contemporary piece went so well that we brought tears to my Mothers eyes in a good way (which I have never really done before).  So UDC has been great and I cannot wait until we start up again in the fall.  So much for the whole not dancing when I went to college thing.

Education: About a two weeks ago I got accepted into the University of Virginia Curry School of Education secondary social studies education program here!  The program is a five year masters program.  I didn’t make up my mind to apply until really close to the application deadline but I am glad that I did.  I still am interested in law and I don’t know if I will apply to law school after I finish at the ED school (although that would be an insane 8 years of college which I’m not sure I could handle) if I am even bright enough to get into law school.  Or perhaps I will go on for a doctorate in education…who knows?

Mike: For those who want to know although Mike is at VCU we are still dating!  It’s been 1 year and 6 months and although we have had a few set backs along the way recently we’ve worked everything out and we’re still doing well.  I miss him very much and would give anything to be closer to him yet we both know that VCU is his place while mine is here at UVA.  I cannot believe he is still putting up with me!  He is a wonderful guy and I am so lucky to have found him. 

Summer: I have a pretty busy summer lined up so far.  I finish my last final the day after my b-day (May 9^th) and I’m moving out on May 10^th (my mommy’s b-day).  After that I’ll be at the beach May 19-26.  Then June 8^th I am leaving for Paris!  Yes, the girl born and bred Virginia is going to Paris.  I’ve been accepted into the UVA study abroad program in Lyon.  I will spend a 1.5 weeks with my Mom traveling in Paris and through the Loire Valley like I’ve always dreamed of.  Then I will head down for 6 weeks in Lyon.  It’s about the third largest city in France with great nightlife and plenty of things to see and do.  There is a famous local market right near where our hotel will be and I will get to buy fresh cheese and bread, and all sorts of things.  I am pretty darn excited.  In six weeks I will work through both French 201 and 202 (Intermediate French) and we will speak only French which is a bit intimidating but I will learn a ton.  I’ve dreamed about going to France ever since I was a little girl and now I am actually getting the chance to go.  I will be back July 28^th and will be excited to be back, visit with friends, and enjoy time with my family.

Family: Unfortunately my dad’s mother the one I visited every Saturday for so many years is not doing well.  Her severe osteoporosis has caused several recent fractures her lower spine.  She has to have someone walk her to the bathroom.  There is someone staying with her 24/7 now.  It just has been hard on my parents and I would give anything to be able to help more than I have been able to.  I am not asking for pity I am just trying to put everything out there on the line right now.

Sickness:  I have had strep throat so many times since October it isn’t even funny.  I had it two days before Halloween, I had it right after Thanksgiving, and again before Christmas where it took two different antibiotics and two weeks of me being miserable to treat it.  In mid-march almost right after spring break I got it again and then the beginning of April again.  It has been insane.  The doctors that I have been to think that my tonsils are the culprit but that I wouldn’t be allowed to get them out till I had strep throat about six times within a year.  However since I have had it five times in six months I have been referred to see a specialist after school ends.

Reaching Out:  I know that this was excessively long and my apologies for always being the long winded person in the “group” if I am still even considered a member.  Anyway, if you tuned out on the rest thank you for doing me the honor of reading this part.  I need to make apologies to so many people I hardly even know where to start.  Perhaps the largest and most important apologies go out to my closest high school friends.  I feel like I let a stupid rift between me and one person in particular get the better of me.  I didn’t know how to deal with my conflict in front of others and I felt so awkward around everyone else that I held so dear.  I didn’t know if everyone else in the group hated me too, I didn’t know if I was receiving the standard invitations over the summer and I began to assume that I had been ostracized a bit and then I just was overwhelmed by the awkwardness.  By the time that we all went off to college I thought everything was beyond hope.  I did not really enjoy my first few weeks here at UVA.  My roommate would go home on the weekend and it felt like everyone around me was out partying.  I didn’t want to pick up the phone and call the friends that I already felt like I lost in a stupid fight with one person (over I don’t even remember what).  And then as the weeks progressed it got even more impossible to pick up the phone.  I figured you were all off happy at college and I did not want to be the deby downer of sorts to tell you that I was unhappy with UVA with all that awkward history.  I am now trying to extend the I believe much needed olive branch to all those that were once so close to me.  I have always valued your friendship but just didn’t know how to not make things worse.  I don’t know if my extended olive branch could heal the breech or even slow down the awkwardness that has been feeding on my soul for so many months, but I figured I would give it one try.  So to each and everyone of you I am sorry for having let my awkwardness and even perhaps a bit of pride get in the way.  If you hate me and my guts I cannot say I blame you.  But I at least wanted to extend an apology to each and every one of you.

To those of you that I know but maybe not as well as my close inner high school crowd I also want to send my apologies to you.  I have been really terrible at staying in touch and I for that I am sorry.  I hope you can all accept my apologies.

So…to one and all I am sorry.

Thank you for those who have always stood by me.  You know who you are and I could not have done it without you.

(I think even I have now run out of words)

current mood: crushed